


you

by xxxtabix



Category: Big Bang (Band), GTOP (Band)
Genre: GTOP, M/M, but it has a happy end i promise, i know it starts out sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxtabix/pseuds/xxxtabix
Summary: Happy birthday, Seunghyun.
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	you

**Author's Note:**

> I tried a different style in writing for this. It's not much but I couldn't get it out of my head last night.  
> Happy birthday, Choi Seunghyun ♥

Your eyes look sad.

You’re sitting across the room, listening to Youngbae talking but it feels like you’re actually mentally far away from here. In your own mind space – and I wish you weren’t.

Today was supposed to be a good day. We got up in the morning together as I surprised you with breakfast in bed – which I managed to cook just fine (well, at least you didn’t tell me it tastes shitty so I give you that much credit). You smiled at me tiredly from where your head was still nestled comfortably in the pillow, with your hair all over the place and your long limbs stuffed in those ridiculous, pleated pyjamas.

Your smile, something I fell in love with all those years ago the moment we ran into each other in middle school and that still makes me feel giddy, like a kid on Christmas.

You let me feed you like the kid you are still at heart, even as a 34-years old man, and as you sat up you wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me closer and kissed my shoulder as a silent ‘thank you’.

The day was planned out to the very last minute, with us enjoying the morning at home before meeting up with Youngbae, Hyorin and Daesung for lunch and for the night, we would stay in to seek the comfort of the couch, with a glass of wine and a movie or something more...naughty.

But the so perfectly planned out day didn’t start as it should have.

The atmosphere started to shift once we were on our way over to Youngbae’s house, your eyes remained glued to your phone and when I asked you what’s wrong, you only gave me a tight smile and said that everything is fine.

A lie, clearly.

And now you’re sitting there, staring right through our friend, with thoughts on your mind I can’t decipher but I wish I could. I don’t want you to lose yourself in thoughts you can’t control again. Not today.

I bite my lip and open my mouth to say something when you stand up so abruptly that even Youngbae is startled and gives you a look of surprise and confusion.

“Need a smoke,” is all you mutter before you grab your pack of cigarettes and slide through the door leading outside in the small backyard. It’s cool outside and I can see you shiver from the soft wind blowing, ruffling your hair even more.

My eyes must’ve have given me away because when I look down at my hands and glance back up, Hyorin shots me a look of comfort and understanding, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips as if to say ‘it’s okay, go look after him’.

And that’s what I do.

Stepping outside, I can see the tension in your shoulders and the way you hold yourself with one arm, your fingers digging into the material of your sweater as if it’s a lifeline – letting it go would mean letting yourself go.

So I reach out carefully and rest my hand against yours, try to ignore the way you flinch at the sudden touch.

You don’t say anything, just take another drag as I stand behind you, with my fingers closing around yours and my head falling against your shoulder blade.

I inhale your scent that is like an old familiar song playing on repeat in my head and mind.

“Are you okay?”

You exhale a shaky breath and reach for the ash tray sitting on the small table next to you to put away the sad remaining rest of your cigarette.

“I’m fine.”

I know it’s a lie but I don’t say anything as we step back inside.

We leave after another hour when the sun has already set and yet you still remain silent and passive. I know better than to pry any information out of you, you will come to me, we reached that level of communication – or so I hope.

Once we arrive at your apartment, we share another silence filled elevator ride but this time, I reach for your hand immediately as soon as the doors close. I squeeze it, I know I don’t have to say anything for you to know what it means. Sometimes, gestures say more than a thousand words could ever say and I want you to know that _I am here_.

You squeeze right back.

Suddenly, I’m not too sure any more about how the rest of the night will end. If you even want to see what I have prepared in secret, or if you will say I shouldn’t have gone out like this for you.

But it’s too late to backtrack now so I follow you into the living room and stop a few steps behind when you come to a halt in the middle of the entrance. Your shoulders hunch up just the tiniest bit, as if your muscles are on fire and my heart drops.

You turn around and the look on your face is so gut-wrenching, your emotions on full display and all over the place.

It’s only been a matter of time before you’d break when I wish you wouldn’t but you do and I am there to catch you.

Rushing forward, I wrap my arms around your waist, holding your weight as you slump forward and bury your nose in my hair. Your body is shaking but you’re not crying so I let my fingers glide over your back in soothing strokes.

“Hyung,” I whisper but the shaking doesn’t stop.

I pull back, I want to look into your face again, want to see all your emotions close up, raw and honest so I know what this is about, why you’re almost breaking down in my arms on a day that’s supposed to be cheerful.

You open your mouth slightly, then close it again before reopening it, no words leaving like a fish on a dry land trying to survive somehow. But I know you don’t need it for the promise of air.

“I-” your voice breaks and your eyes fall shut, “I don’t deserve this–”

“No, stop.”

My voice is firm, cutting you off right before you can continue those thoughts and the root of all evil is exposed.

“You, Choi Seunghyun, deserve everything in this world. Okay? You are such an incredible man, how could you not? And if I wanna give you the whole world? Fuck I would do it, I would give you the whole universe. Do you know why? Because you are the humblest, funniest and maybe even most chaotic person I know, never giving yourself much credit when you make so many people smile, laugh, happy.”

A deep breath, searching eyes.

“ _I am happy_. Because you make me happy. So don’t say you don’t deserve this because you do and don’t let other people tell you otherwise, especially not on the internet.”

I reach for your face, rest my hands against your cheeks, my thumb stroking your cheekbones slowly. You lean into my touch with your eyes now open.

My thumb brushes away the first tear that threatens to fall and I lean up to kiss your lips ever so softly. It’s just a ghost of a touch, light but sweet and I can feel how a little bit of the stiffness leaves your body.

Like you gave up an inner battle.

“You are a wonderful man, Choi Seunghyun,” I whisper, once again.

Your hands reach up to hold my face now as well, us both clinging to each other like two shipwrecked people in a wild and dark sea full of deep-rooted insecurities and fears. I turn my head, kiss the palm of your hand ever so gently and stare up into your eyes once more.

All I can see is the faint hint of disbelief mixed with pure love and affection so I push up on my toes again, to claim your lips in another kiss. Pushing my every emotion into it, all the feelings I have for you since we were kids.

And that’s when your arms wrap themselves back around my waist, to pull me closer and I can feel you letting yourself fall, tension melting away with every move of our lips against each other.

It’s in no way sexual, it’s calm and steady, like coming home.

And that’s how it should be.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper but I only shake my head.

“Don’t be. I love you, Seunghyun-hyunnie.”

Another peak, a genuine smile.

“Happy birthday.”


End file.
